The wounded little girl is starving for love and sabotaging your relationships.
I'm talking about that un-healed, unprocessed part of you that grew up feeling emotionally neglected, abandoned, misunderstood, and/or abused. Whether it was through obvious markers of abuse or more covert forms due to a VOID of love & acceptance. The Wounded Little Girl grows up feeling not safe to be seen, not safe to EXPRESS who she truly is and how she truly feels. In fact, expressing emotions in a healthy way was probably not modeled for her. She most likely experienced its opposite; A caretaker with highly-destructive emotions, exploding at the smallest thing.
By the way, love...growing up in an emotionally unstable environment is traumatic.
And as with any trauma, you must must must do the healing work.
When the Inner Work/Healing isn't done, the wounded little girl moves through life, holding onto deeply-rooted insecurities and rage about herself, life, and LOVE. This is ends up sabotaging her closest relationships because the pain she is not dealing with/looking at/healing is being projected onto the people she loves the most.
There is something about love that brings all of our wounds to the surface.
How this sabotages manifests:
- Pushing Away: Those suppressed feelings of not being good enough are projected out onto your partner and you end up making THEM feel like THEY are not good enough. To you, they can't do anything right. A loving partner, in response, may mistakenly try to do more and more to please you but it will never work. The dissatisfaction is not BECAUSE of them but because of your own disconnection. No one can do enough to satisfy an unhappy/disconnected person. You will continue to subconsciously sabotage/push away by nitpicking at all the things you don't like about him, why he's wrong, why he needs to change. You find ways to nag him and you end up putting so much pressure on the relationship that it eventually collapses.
- Co-Dependency: Your suppressed feelings of low-value and fears of being rejected/neglected/abandoned cause you to compensate by abandoning your own life and essentially living FOR/BECAUSE of this partner. You cling, attach, and become needy and desperate for the attention, validation, and constant affirmation you're not giving your SELF.
- This sabotages relationships even BEFORE they had a chance to get off the ground! This shows up when you form pre-mature expectations of a man as your boyfriend/husband/partner before even getting to know him! It's a needy, lack-based energy, and people can feel that.
In all of these realities, what is happening is a disconnection from the Inner Self, from what's going on in your thoughts and emotions. The first step in the healing process is to TUNE IN! Come back to YOU, love.
It's asking yourself questions like:
- How do I really feel about this person/situation/experience?
- What am I really desiring here?
- What would give me the most joy right now?
- What do I WANT to experience in relationships?
- What do I need on a soul-level?
Be genuinely curious about your thoughts and feelings.
Don't judge yourself or whatever you're feeling as wrong, there is NO SUCH THING as a bad emotion. Emotions are your messengers and they're here to tell you something.
Embracing yourself with non-judgment is what begins the healing process.
The more of an intimate relationship you have with yourself, the more space you create to allow another person to come in, see you and love you fully.
Lastly, start to notice when you're actions are being driven by anger, rejection, and fear i.e. the Wounded Self. You do this by continuing that conversation with your Self.
- What am I feeling here?
- What are my reasons for doing this?
For instance, are you trying really hard to impress this person because you're afraid he won't like you just as you are? Are you more focused on "getting the guy" as opposed to getting to KNOW the guy? Both of those actions are driven by fear.
Even being critical of yourself when you feel insecure or jealous. If you ever feel like it's "bad" or or you "shouldn't feel this way," decide to get curious instead! Ask what that insecurity or jealousy is trying to tell you. It's usually a call to love/affirm/validate yourself in an area where you're not.
Ultimately, the key to healing not only yourself but your relationships is to do the damn Inner Work. :) The REAL work. It's developing an intimate and sacred bond with your SELF. It's what DEEP and UNCONDITIONAL self-love and acceptance is all about. It's a space of wholeness that is ALSO extremely alluring and ATTRACTIVE to others. It draws people in.
It will allow others to feel safe and seen and LOVED in your presence and there is nothing more desirable than that.
To dive deeper into this type of healing, check out my newest program, Goddess Vibes~ You will be exploring ALL THE Healing Work, removing old patterns and blocks that are destroying your ability to feel, think, manifest, and LOVE from your fully Empowered, Highly-Desirable Goddess Vibration. It's amazing.