So here's a real-life situation that may help you understand your own patterns. You know...those relationship patterns, money patterns, life patterns that you are basically over and done with.
Yeah, let's talk about those~
Let me start with a story. So there's this guy, we'll call him Larry. Larry had a pattern of feeling neglected by his wife. Now understand, Larry's wife truly loved him but she didn't want to have to sit at home watching TV every night with Larry and the kids to prove that. Larry's wife did other things to try and show Larry her love but she also had a desire to build her career and go out occasionally. This upset Larry and the more he would become angry, the more his wife would withdraw.
Ahhh yes, the beginning of the end.
Fortunately, Larry had a most excellent coach who was able to help him recognize what was really going on. When Larry realized that this was a pattern, he decided to go within and ask himself, "what dramas are going on within me that are being played out in my relationship?"
Here's a little secret. One of the Laws of Relationships state that your relationships are a mirror to the dramas going on within you. Whatever wonky story/pattern you have about relationships will be made manifest in your relationships. FUN!! right? ;) LOL
This means that you can use all of your relationships to discover more about yourself, your patterns, your stories, AND your desires. It's actually a really good thing.
So what did Larry discover? First, he had to pinpoint exactly what he was feeling. Abandonment. Ok, great. Next, he went back as far as he could to figure out where he first started feeling abandoned in relationships. What he realized was that he was actually playing out the energy of his FATHER. Larry's mother died very early and his father always felt abandoned by her because of it. Larry, unknowingly and unintentionally had taken on his father's energy as his own and was subconsciously always fearing the same thing would happen to him. The more Larry would try to prevent this pervasive fear of being abandoned, the more he would actually create it.
Drama within=Drama manifested
The very things you fear, the very things you try to avoid or run away from are the very things you MUST MUST MUST face if you truly wish to release them (big, massively IMPORTANT thing you can learn the easy way right here!).
Fear that you're not lovable? Guess what kind of relationship/partner you will attract? One that makes you feel like you're not lovable. That's it. That's all it's ever been about. It's NEVER really been about you not being lovable. It's always about what's going on within YOU. What YOU believe is true andddd what you are most afraid of.
And here's where it may get a little tricky ~~ where you may need help from a coach, mentor, therapist, or some other wise and objective person. Many of the things we just take for granted as true, and real, and inevitable...like the way we feel about ourselves, others, and our universe are stories we absorbed from our parents. For me, as a highly-sensitive and empathic person, I'm basically a sponge. I absorbed my parents energy, believed it to be my own, and was living a reality that wasn't even based on my own thoughts, decisions, and feelings.
I told you it gets tricky.
So... let's look at it this way. Before you are born, you are literally connected/plugged in/grounded to your mother. Upon birth and the subsequent cutting of the umbilical cord, you immediately seek another way to attach to your mother. You do this by crying out for physical, emotional, and energetic connection. This is your survival.
And if not your mother, then SOMEONE who you trust to feed, nurture, love, and basically everything for you until you learn how to do this for yourself. You are completely absorbing your parents/primary caregivers. You take on their energy. Their world becomes yours. Their fears become yours. Their beliefs become yours. Their energy....yes...becomes yours. You are now surviving and growing from a spiritual umbilical cord.
So if your parents were highly stressed, anxious, and neurotic, guess what you got programmed into the very fabric of your cells.....yay! FORTUNATELY, all hope is not lost. Once you become aware of what's going on, you have the the opportunity, the choice, albeit, the responsibility to re-program. This is your mission, should you choose to accept it.
And you can. You have the Divine opportunity to break this pattern once and for all and ascend into a place that not many have even known to be possible!
So how did this pan out for Larry, you ask? ;)
Once Larry realized what was really going on within him, he decided to break the pattern once and for all (you go Larry!!!). He changed his response to what was happening and changed what he believed was the TRUTH to the situation.
- He stopped making his wife wrong.
- He chose to accept and honor her needs and desires.
- He became more loving and understanding.
- He realized that she was actually a very loyal and loving person. Especially to him and the children.
- He knew that she was not going to abandon him and so he let go of her always needing to be around to prove that.
- He trusted that her honoring her needs and desires would also allow him to honor his.
- He realized that everything she did was honoring both them.
Their relationship completely changed.
The relationship became more loving, honest, open, vulnerable, and connected. It graduated to a new level of intimacy and understanding.
So how can you discover and subsequently squash your old/fearful patterns and stories?
I'm so glad you asked :)
Whenever you are experiencing particularly intense emotions within a relationship, do these steps to help bring awareness to what's going on and to transition into a more loving, calm, and balanced state of being.
- Recognize that all your emotions are a message. Honor them as such. It's also important to recognize that no one is "making you" feel a certain way. No one can force you to think or feel any kind of way. That's a total inside thang, babe. So, when those intense feelings to pop up, discover what the message is for you?
- Name the emotion. The more specifically you can name what you are feeling, the more easily you can pivot from it/heal it/transmute it.
- Ask to see where this pattern first began. Recall all you can about when you first felt this feeling. When was it? How old were you? What was happening? What kinds of beliefs did you form about yourself and the world? This is uncovering the REAL reason for what you're feeling. This is you getting down to what you're telling yourself this situation/experience/other person's actions mean.
- So now....pinpoint it. Get honest. What is it you're actually afraid of here? What kind of future are you projecting into? What is it that's REALLY bothering you or what are you trying to avoid?
- Last & MOST IMPORTANTLY!! Make A NEW CHOICE!!! For the love of God. Empower yo' self now. You are becoming a Master of your emotions here. This is SO major (clap clap)! What's the better feeling thought/belief? What do you now CHOOSE to believe. What is the most loving, high-vibing, light-filled choice you can make right now?
- i.e. choose to believe that you are safe and loved
- choose to know that all is well
- that you this person really is a loving and loyal person
- Everything is fine
- Everything will always be fine
- People need to be able to honor their needs and desires
- It's safe to let people go
- It's safe to follow your own desires and needs
- It's safe to relax
- You don't need to control another
- You can trust
- The universe really is a good, safe, and friendly place.
- etc etc etc. your choices.
As you make new choices, new beliefs, as you start feeling better, and vibing higher, your life will change. Your relationships will change. People around you will even be affected by this change within you! It's a beautiful thing.
As your vibration increases, the more that your life-force energy will start pouring through you. ALIGNMENNNTTT, babyyyy!! You will be flooded with pure, positive energy. You will be a LIGHT. A beacon! You will feel so good and you will be attractive and attracted to more and more high-vibe things.
So let's get started!!
If you want to learn more about the Laws of Relationships and how to practice them in your every day to create magical, loving, ascended, high-vibe relationships NOW, you've GOTSTA check out Divine Love! It's awesome.