For the longest time, I avoided doing the work, I avoided facing my fears, I avoided being SEEN. I avoided MYSELF.
Running...running....running from my TRUTH. From my feelings, from committing. Procrastinating, putting off, not really being fully in. All I ever wanted was FREEDOM. Or more accurately, all I ever feared was losing it. And so I ran from entrapment. I ran for the longest time and never got anywhere because I was running FROM entrapment and not running TO freedom.
I wasn't running straight into myself.
I was actually avoiding my SELF.
My feelings, my guidance, my PURPOSE.
But you can't run from yourself forever. Or ever.
Because wherever you go, there you are.
Whoever you're with, there you are too.
Running may produce a temporary rush of dopamine and a feeling of excitement and freedom. The very things you are seeking. But it never lasts.
Because what you seek isn't outside of you.
It's not found in your food.
In the new relationship.
In the sex.
In the busy work.
The to-do lists.
The toys & money.
What you're seeking is not found outside of you. It's found in the ACTUAL work. The Inner Work. Your PURPOSE work. The very work you're being called to do right now.
And as long as you are looking outside of yourself to get "it," you'll never actually have it. It will slip through your fingers like sand.
And then there you are, once again, left with you. Left with what you're really scared of. The thing you're scared to admit you want. The thing you're most scared to do.
What's the real fear here? What's the REAL reason you're running?
Just sit for a minute, can you?
Sit with yourself and ask, "What is it I want? Why am I HERE? Alive. What is the purpose for me? And why have I been chasing everything else besides that?"
Or blaming everyone except myself?
What is the reason, love?
What is it you need to face here?
You cannot run from yourself. You cannot run from problems. You have to face them. You have to do the work. You have to step on that plane.
So what if, for a minute, you just stopped running? What if, for this moment, you were honest about what it is you really want and need? What if you faced the very thing you're scared to face?
What if you just admitted the truth?
And then let the rest go...
What if you let yourself actually be SEEN?
What if you started being honest...with yourself? With everyone.
What gets to happen next?
What lies on the other side of fear?
Everything you're seeking.
The freedom. Exhilaration. Truth.
It comes in these moments.
It comes from ALIGNMENT.
It comes from PURPOSE.
It doesn't come if you're trying to hide from it.
It doesn't come if you keep running from it.
It only comes when you stop, and listen, and say, "this is me."
This is me and I don't care who knows it. I don't care who sees it. I'm free. I'm alive. This is MY life. I'm living it for me. I must. I must because otherwise, I'll be seeking it for the rest of my life. Never understanding why things just...don't....feel...right.
I'll get into that job, that relationship, that path that I don't like, and then I'LL BE TRYING TO ESCAPE THAT TOO! I'll run run run into something else that, eventually, I'll want to escape.
And the pattern will continue until I just STOP and do the very thing that I know I must do.
The thrill of facing the very thing you're scared of...that's life. That's everything.
That's what you're seeking.
So be brave, love. Everything you want is on the other side of fear.