Knowing what you want.
Not being afraid to draw the line in the sand and say...."ok here, here is where/how I play this game..with you....and here is where I stop.
I think so many people have a hard time setting boundaries because we just want to be nice. Play nice. It's uncomfortable saying "No. I won't. I can't." Or...God forbid..."I don't want to."
We don't want to be that person. You know, the asshole. "But what will people think?!" Yeah...I get that and I'm telling you, the better question is, "who the f&*k cares!?!?!?!"
Your values, your needs, your desires, your LIFE, your boundaries is a you thing.
it's an inside thing
it's the only question that has ever mattered...."does this feel right for ME?" because you're the one who has to live with you and all your decisions.
I had to do what may have looked like the "flaky" thing the other day. I HAD to decline a dinner invite from someone whom I'm quite uncomfortable around. I initially said yes because I was put on the spot and...you know..fear. I just wanted to be nice. (UGHHHH)
As I sat in that decision, I kept finding myself coming up with ideas, reasons, even fantastical dreams of all the ways the dinner might just magically get cancelled or I would have to "unfortunately" decline. Eventually, it became too exhausting and stressful and ridiculous to waste all this energy on a dinner date that I could simply just cancel.
I wanted to cancel.
I NEEDED TO CANCEL.
It's what I wanted to do in the first place but was too scared too. Fortunately, cancelling was actually easier than I thought it would be. They may not actually be happy with me, but they never expressed any upset and, honestly, that's regardless because the bottom line is that I would be living totally out of integrity if I showed up to that dinner with absolutely no desire to be there. That was not my hell yes and I simply cannot operate outside of my own alignment.
And so...I set the boundary.
Simple enough, right?
We are SO CONDITIONED to be nice and to just get along but honestly, why aren't we ever first conditioned to TUNE IN TO OURSELVES? Our Inner Guidance. Our own voice of reason. How many times does the, "I thought something/someone felt off but I didn't want to cause a problem," scenario have to bite us in the butt before we realize that we need to stop creating our right vs wrong from the outside in. We've gotta be asking OURSELVES that question.
Does this feel right to me? Is this where I want to be? Is this who I really want to be with?! Is this the kind of conversation, friendship, career that BEST SUITS ME AND MY NEEDS AND VALUES.
Look within yourself. What do you need now?
Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired?? Do you need someone to back the EFF out of yo' bidness?! Do you need others to quit commenting on your life, your choices...maybe your motherfucking weight?
I mean, come on people!
Why are we giving the whole entire world authority over ourselves? Behave like this, talk like this, be OK with this, don't ask for too much, don't be too demanding. BE NICER! Stop making other people uncomfortable.
In other words.... live in a way that MIGHT be pleasing to everyone except yourself.
And just to set things straight. There is nothing wrong with be a kind person. There is nothing wrong with getting along with people. Obviously. Just not at the expense of YOURSELF. That is all.
You have to be in touch with you. YOU know what is appropriate for you.
YOU know what you need.
and YOU know when you're able and willing to bend.
but it's a choice YOU have to make because it's a choice YOU have to live with.
A nice term for..."do what the f&*k you want to do and don't do what the f*&k you don't want to do."
Don't be afraid to be looked at as the asshole, the jerk, the needy one, or whatever because all you're trying to do is live your life in the best way that you know how. The people that are trying to do the same aren't even paying that much attention to you anyway.
The people that love you, will be like,"hells yes girl, get it!" The people that don't will quickly find the next exit off. And that's a really good thing. You don't have to take on other people's crap. Other people's drama. You don't have to sabotage your own happiness for someone else. How would that even work anyway? "I'll just be less happy so you can be more happy?!" What?! How did we think that was ever an actual thing?
The best and highest service we offer anyone is to stand in our space of empowerment, inspiration, joy, & total alignment and say, "You got this! You can get here too. I'll be right here, waiting for you, because I know you can do it, but YOU gotta do it, baby."
And that's my boundary