What do you do when you feel like your old life and all that you used to believe, all that you were, and everything you thought you knew has now come into conflict with where life has brought you.
Ohh love. This is the journey.
Was there ever a time when you believed in Santa Claus? The Tooth Fairy?
I remember the day I found out that Santa wasn't real. It was quite mind-blowing for a 7 year old. Whether it's Santa or things our parents/society/religion conditioned us to believe, most of us will get to a point where we question, is this really working for me? It's nice to think that there's only ONE way and if you can just figure it out and/or follow someone else, well you don't have to think or worry or do anything anymore. Sounds cushy, right? Seems... safe.
But then life happens. Something doesn't work out. Something happens that makes you want to question everything and if you aren't finding the answers outside of yourself, well, where do you go then?
So, here's the thing I know for myself. You are SUPPOSED to question. It is an honor to your soul and your life to start questioning...to start...thinking/wondering/becoming curious. It is a Divine privilege to begin asking, "What else could be out there? Could there be another way, a better way, an easier way? Am I being led down a new path for a reason?"
Questioning opens your mind.
Before I realized that MY thoughts created MY reality, I was a perfect regurgitator. Well, that's not totally true because I actually have quite a rebelious side to me, but still, I totally bought into the idea that, if I just followed someone else, someone that was convinced that they knew the right way, I would be fine. Hey, it sounds nice right? Don't have to really think for yourself, don't have to stretch yourself. You can just follow the leader. Yeah, ok, someone else has my life figured out for me, right?
You are not a robot thing. I tried to do the robot thing for like 2 years (longer if you count school). My soul wasn't having it. My soul, in its attempt to break free from the cage and shackles I had put on myself, started to rebel. IT got my attention. I started breaking down everything. My mind. My body. I literally COULD NOT just do what everyone else was doing, I wasn't physically capable.
I prayed for the way to be shown, and it came in bits and pieces. In fact, I'm pretty sure I had angels speak to me through other humans. I vividly remember one day, I was having a particularly bad anxiety attack, so much to the point where I left work early to drive to the hospital because I was sweating, shaking, and dizzy, I knew something was wrong. Halfway to the hospital I had to pull over because I started blacking out/getting tunnel vision. I pulled over and dialed 911. I waited for the ambulance to arrive, praying that my body would just hang in there until someone could save me.
When it came, I was 1/2 grateful that help arrived and 1/2 embarrassed that I was still breathing and alive, and just thinking "wtf is going on with me?" I walked over to the ambulance, shaking, terrified, and light-head. The only real thing I remember is one of the EMT's asking me about all that was going on and, after all the basic tests, telling me something to the affect of, "you're gonna have to change something."
I mean..obviously..but his words hit me like, "wow."
I need to change. It was almost the way he said it that got my attention. I knew this was the universe speaking through this man directly to me.
If something isn't working for you, you have to change. Something. Anything. The truth is, circumstances don't change, YOU change and the circumstances follow.
And here's the thing, you don't have to have it all figured out. Honestly, you NEVER have it all figured out. Let's just get that out of the way right now. The sooner you stop trying to act like you've got it all figured out, the sooner you can start questioning, start opening up, start LISTENING and turning things around. You have to be humble enough to be directed by a Higher, Intelligent, and Loving Force and yet confident enough to know that you ARE being led from WITHIN. It has to start within you.
And so you ask to be guided. You decide that something's gotta give. You've gotta give.
You start stepping in faith. Scared, shaking, without any inkling of how it's all going to work out but you step anyway because it's pulling at you. It's a voice and a feeling inside of you that says, "you can do this."
Kinda like the first time I REALLY invested in myself. I dropped like $4k on a coach and I was terrified. It was a huge leap for me but I knew it was the right leap. It was going to push me in ways that I NEEDED to be pushed. it pushed me into opportunities that opened up so many doors for me and it ended up being the BEST thing I ever did for myself, and now, others.
I can't even imagine where I would be or how my life would be if I didn't trust in that step.
And even though I didn't know what was ahead of me, where that path would lead me, I KNEW it was my path. I was terrified and I had fear thoughts of "but what if it doesn't work out, what if it's all lies, a scam, etc." I had those "practical" voices from well-meaning people who have lived a nice life, comfortable, bored, limited, and just blahhhh. The kind of life that led me to an almost mental breakdown. I knew that I couldt take advice from people who were living a life that I wanted nothing to do with. If I was going to live the life that only I was born to live, I was gonna have to be led from within.
The point of my rant is that...you always know. The confusion, fear, doubt you are feeling is only a feeling and it will pass the moment you just decide.
Decide to drop the indecision, drop the doubt, and decide, right now, that you can trust yourself.
My advice, don't spend more than 16 seconds in low-vibes like confusion or doubt.
After 16 seconds, make your decision or just move on because the longer you sit in indecision the more momentum of indecision and confusion you build. Soon, minutes of indecision turn into hours, days, weeks, months, years....
Just decide. Decide that you can't get it wrong because even if you do misstep, you'll know it and once you know it, you correct it and once you correct it, you're back on track. So basically, you can't get it wrong.
And here's a rampage to get you back on track:
I'm doing just fine
I will find my way
I can relax
Things are always working out
Things are working out without me even trying
It's all fine
There is no rush to this
and slowly but surely I'm finding my footing
I always do
I always have
there are a lot of things going right
there are a lot of really good things in my life
I can make a point to start observing them, appreciating them
there's so much to learn about my world
so many places to go and see.
the journey never ends
There's no rush to get anywhere anyways. There is not anywhere to get, it never ends!
which means right here and now is just fine
I like the questions I'm asking
I like the direction my life is taking me
I love the idea of knowing there's another side to this
There will be a time when i look back and think, "wow, look how it all worked out! What was I so scared of?"
i love the journey
i love knowing that i can't get it wrong
i love knowing that everything is working out for me
i like the way it feels when I move into these kinds of thoughts
I like the momentum that builds when I sit in an energy of optimism, of hope, of curiosity
i love knowing that all of life supports and loves me
i love knowing I'm not doing this thing alone
we're all in this together
we're all figuring it out, moment by moment, going with the flow.
I'm going to start having some more fun with this whole thing
It's really not as serious as I'm making it out to be
I'm just going to make a decision and go.
All is well