Today was interesting. I've head that part of Mercury being in retrograde is not only about communication and technology problems, but it's also about past stuff coming back up to be healed and released.
So yeah, that happened today big time.
I just had an uncomfortable and, honestly, gross exchange with someone who I felt did me dirty in the past. Someone who came to me with words of "sisterhood." Someone who tried to push me into doing something I was not ready for and ultimately, when I refused, someone who completely changed her tune.
Well, that someone came back the other day wanting to offer an "apology." She wanted to talk again, she wanted to offer the apology but she wanted me to call her so we could do more clearing work. "More clearing work? The F%$#??" were my exact thoughts. If you want to apologize to someone, then just do it. There are no conditions around true forgivness! It's not like, "I'll apologize for what I did if you do something for me. That's not love and that's certainly not forgiveness. Forgiveness is something freely given. It's something I did for her years ago and moved on.
Every part of her email rang through my body as, "Oh hell no, Madeline. Walk away." To offer some solace, I wrote back thank you for the apology, I fully accepted it, and told her I was sorry for my part in the whole thing as well. I said I had learned a lot from the ordeal, I had forgiven, and I had completely moved on. I did not wish to revisit the situation or sit on a phone call with her.
My intuition was spot on.
She responded back with that kind of fake apology. The kind of apology where you're not actually apologizing, more like blaming the other person for whatever weirdness you're going through. You know what I mean. It's the, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you can't see things from my point of view. I'm sorry you don't want to do this," kind of apology.
My intuition about her WAS spot on.
And yet, I'm so thankful for this expereince because this is a perfect example of healing, clearing, and releasing. As uncomfortable as this whole exchange was, and as much as I would have rather she not have reached out to me, it was reaffirming to myself to watch me sit in my power and choose what was right for ME. And baby, that feels so damn good!!
So here's the message that I'm taking out of this situation for you. TRUST YOURSELF. In every moment, your body is communicating to you things that you cannot see or understand from a logical perspective. There are energetic cues in people's words and even the way they write that a deeper part of you picks up on. When you get the feeling of "ewww!" or "not quite right" about someone take that as your cue to walk away.
Trust that if your intuition is telling you to walk away, you will be fully supported and taken care of as you do so. There is a higher path available to you at that moment. Trust it.
Another point is to know that there is nothing that you SHOULD do or HAVE to do. When someone tries to pull out the "should's" or "have to's" on you, that's a them problem. That's basically someone telling you the kind of fear mindset they're coming from. What you're really hearing is, "I want you to ______ because it would make ME feel better." No honey, no.
The only question to ask yourself is, "what feels right for me in this moment? What is in alignment for me?" Someone who truly respects you and honors you, and someone who respects and honors THEMSELVES will honor your path and will respect you doing what is right for you.
When they don't, walk away.
You have to clear your space of people who don't uplift you or support you or truly love you to make space for the ones who will and do. Use these experiences to say, "thank you universe for bringing me the people and things I need to clear from my heart, mind, and physical space. Thank you for allowing me to set more precise boundaries around what I choose to have and choose to not have in my life." This is a great time to exercise your manifesting powers and start getting more clear around what you DO want in your life.
Ultimately, I choose to not involve myself with people who try to force, manipulate, shame, or guilt-trip me into doing things. I choose to surround myself with people that honor my path and my internal guidance. I choose to do the same for others as well. I choose to be around people that feel like love and fun!
When you clear your space from people that feel heavy, dense, and gross, you raise your vibe and you become magnetic to high-vibe kinds of people.
More importantly, this choosing process is more than just shedding toxic and negative people from your life. This process is about you shedding feelings of unworthiness. For me, there was a small part of me that felt like, maybe I should just be nice and give her what she wants (Wow..even as I type that now, my reaction is a literal, "yuck!!"). That small, old, codependent part of me was then reaffirmed by everything I know about listening to my intuition and doing what's right for me. This process is about learning the power of "no," standing up for yourself, and creating a life that is total "hell yes!" living. This process is about releasing what no longer serves you and moving forward with purpose and conviction.
Today, I chose ME. Today, I chose to say "no" to something I really really didn't want, desire, or feel aligned with. Today, I moved through the BS fears of feeling intimated, threatened, or bamboozled. My body was telling me the whole time what my aligned direction was and my intuition, as per the usual, was spot on.